Who are the good guys?

After years in the dark, I finally learned the don'ts and, more importantly, the do's of attracting women. I have a core belief that these skills can be improved, taught and learned. I further believe that when these skills are applied, they overcome a man's baldness, less-than-stellar job or unflattering physique. Finally, I believe that these skills are mere tools and not above being twisted by bad guys towards perverted aims.

I hope that good guys everywhere learn these skills for two reasons. First, in an age of emasculation, there are a lot of great women who can't find a man. Men have largely had their natural ability to build chemistry with women stifled since childhood. Second, I fear that years of sexual frustration wreak havoc on the souls of good men, driving them to despair and evil. The man already lost to evil is not my concern in this realm. I can teach him to meet girls or I can teach him to be good. I can't do both, and being good is more important.

Which is more responsible: teaching a bad guy to attract women, or giving a troubled teen a flamethrower?

Who are the bad guys?


Bad guys are concerned only for themselves. ("If I am not for myself, who will be? But if I am only for myself, what am I?)


Bad guys routinely neglect their responsibilities as men.


Bad guys expect the world to deliver everything to them.


Bad guys think they deserve the world and throw tantrums when they don't get it.


Bad guys routinely lie.


Bad guys routinely cheat.


Bad guys routinely steal.


Bad guys will stalk.


Bad guys delight in corruption.


Bad guys routinely see other people as a means to an end and their conscience as an obstacle.


If there is even one of these points which you cannot overcome, you are a bad guy, and I do not wish to help you.


Bad guys make it harder for good guys to meet women by giving women examples of why they should fear and distrust men.


Fix these first.

Who are the good guys?


Good guys care for others, and will happily leave a woman better than he found her.


Good guys meet their responsibilities.


Good guys are willing to work for what they want in the world.


Good guys take setbacks in stride, then work to surmount them.


Good guys are trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient*, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Good guys are not fools.


Good guys will have historically worried about whether they were coming off as stalkers.


Good guys delight in goodness and high standards.


If you're a good guy, you might be confident in several areas of your life, just not with women. You're the sort of guy I am most eager to help.

But make no mistake:


Good and bad guys both want sex. Long-term, they both need it (mysteries of being ordained to the priesthood aside).


Good and bad guys can both learn to make women crazy for them.


Good and bad guys can both seem very exciting in the heat of the moment.


Good guys don't finish last, but bad guys will start sooner because they have fewer qualms about breaking the taboos of society. You can be a good guy and still be incredibly successful with women (honestly, it helps), but the pragmatic, selfish and experimental tendencies of the bad guys will lead them to success sooner when no instruction is available.


Even being a good guy does not entitle you to a woman. You have to work as hard to get her as the bad guy does. Your goodness is appreciated in the long term, but in the short term there are equal challenges for good guys and for bad guys to keep the attraction alive. Giving in to a woman's every demand will not make you a good guy and will only cause her to lose respect for you.

Ok, that's enough preaching for one night. Even I'm getting sick of it. Be good!

Drinking Kool-Aid from the Firehose

I loathe a mixed metaphor as much as the next man (e.g. "If you could find a way to bottle the Notre Dame spirit, you could light up the universe"), but I've been chuckling for weeks at the idea of "drinking kool-aid from the firehose."

That is all.

The Power of Questions

Ben Franklin, a Founding Father and a personal hero, won quite a bit of influence by keeping his language around controlversial matters tentative and by posing his arguments as questions. I call phrases like "it seems to me" and "it would appear that" and "why is it that" Ben Franklin phases in his honor. This style of communication is the key to influence without authority.

When someone approaches you with a new idea, is your shield more likely to go up if he asserts that his idea is the the Absolute Right Thing To Do or if he admits that he may be missing something, but if we do X, would that help us overcome problem Y?

Think of one of your prized, well thought-out positions. Maybe it's just me, but did you arrive at that viewpoint by mentally making statements and accepting them as true, or by asking questions that led you to that conclusion? Which questions did you ask yourself?

You see what I did there? The questions that led you to your own well-reasoned conclusion are highly portable, non-confrontational, and eloquent. They will get you further with your audience than merely asserting your case, however correct your final position may be.

Most questions are loaded in one way or another. We call puzzles where the correct answer is not obvious from the question itself "trick questions." Captain Kirk is revered for responding to "either-or" questions from his enemies with a "yes." When you control the questions, people will often follow you to your answers. Is this what Socrates was doing with the Socratic Method? Did he establish himself as a philosopher not on the basis of his thoughts themselves but because he always posed questions which led himself to his own conclusion? A large enough part of me suspects this is the case for me to have considered the Socratic Method just a little bit underhanded as a child.

You can use questions for good, for evil, or to find the truth. Ben Franklin's tentative style of public discourse made him a hard man to contradict. Let us say you are about to propose a boneheaded solution to a problem. Which will make you look the wiser man after the fact: a tentative approach or an assertive approach?

In sum, questions do more than seek feedback, ideas and solutions. Questions themselves can define priorities, values and goals while subtly limiting the universe of possible or acceptable solutions. They are elegant weapons for a civilized age.

How to keep a daily journal

Write about three things, and three things only:

1. What you did


2. Who you did it with


3. Little observations along the way

These are the three most cherished memories in petrified form. Write more than this and you may burn out, miss more days or take to brooding.

A blog is different. A journal or diary is highly personal and will be of great interest to a few people. A blog is fairly impersonal and will be of moderate interest to a broad audience.

Inspiration: http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/07/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-8-start-a-journal/

The Prime of My Life

027


0x17 (that really makes me feel like a kid!)


23.

This is my last one for a while. My last was 19, and my next isn't until 29. 37 doesn't seem like much to get excited about, so I think it'll be a toss-up between 23 and 29. Here's to all those composites in between!

Historically, right around my birthday is when I've decided to come down with a cold. That doesn't seem to be the case this year, so I'm already off to a great start. What a joy to be young and healthy!

Throughout my childhood, I always looked old for my age. My body finally slowed down to its age in these last few years (probably towards the end of summer 2006). I still fancy myself an old soul, and conservative enough to be the only 23-year-old on the planet to be at risk of dying from old age.

Greater than Superman

We're all happy to see the Man of Steel saving entire cities and foiling evil geniuses, but there's always that nagging thought deep down that it's too easy for him, that he's cheating, that there's never a real risk to himself or a circumstance in which he can fail. What can real people learn from a superhero who can't be shot, drowned, crushed, outrun, splattered, stabbed or killed without kryptonite? After all, Superman is incredibly powerful. More powerful than a locomotive, faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Here's a better question to ask: With all his powers, what stops Superman from becoming the villain? Why won't he quit his job as a mild-mannered reporter and become a short-tempered world tyrant? With the ability to escape to Earth orbit at a whim and withstand atomic blasts, it's not as if we could stop him. Even if we would wear kryptonite amulets for protection, nothing would stop evil Superman from taking us out from a safe range with a sniper rifle or explosives.

Yet Superman continues to fight for Truth, Justice and the American Way. Why?

Jonathan and Martha Kent--his parents: The people who taught him the difference between right and wrong, the people who taught him to control his emotions, the people who taught him to always do what's right and the people who taught him that his coming to Earth was for some great purpose--even greater than scoring touchdowns. If you're looking for the real heroes in the Superman story, don't look to the Last Son of Krypton. Look at the people who loved him and molded him into a crusader for Truth and Justice. Look at the people who never let him and his powers become a bane on mankind. Look to the people who kept Superman's absolute power from corrupting him absolutely. Look to Superman's moral teachers.

Who knows what future is in store for your kids? Parents work hard to give their children every advantage and open every door. One day, somebody's present-day kids will be in positions of power. That's why the most important subject to teach children is morality and virtue. As adults, these children will make a phenomenal impact on the world, if not on a global or national scale, then perhaps on a business, neighborhood or family level. They are sure to face temptations involving abuses of power, and without a strong moral education they are sure to succumb. With strong moral guidance, they will overcome these temptations and use their powers to make better lives for their families, for their neighborhoods, for their businesses, for their countries and for the world.

How will you raise Superman?